27th September 2016

I sent my housemate to work at 10.30a.m.

I came home about 5 minutes later.

At 12.30p.m i went to Restoran Puteri Bola-bola. I had my lunch and stayed there until 2p.m.. why 2p.m? i was alone at that time. Erm, not only at that time, the whole day, i was actually alone. Hehehe. I was planning to go to Hospital Kepala Batas to donate blood. They must open at 2p.m. i guess lah.

2p.m, i went to Hospital Kepala Batas (it was actually Klinik kesihatan Kepala Batas). I went into the place, and ask one of the nurse, "can i donate my blood here?" She said while smiling, "no you cant, we dont collect blood here, you should go to the hospital". The nurse was quite good looking. She looks prettier when she speak nicely, just the way she talked to me. Then i keep thinking, "where is the nearest Hospital around here?"

I drive out the place, then i realize,, "no wonder i cant donate my blood here, it just a clinic". Today i know that Hospital Kepala Batas was just a few minutes away from the clinic (my supervisor tell me about the hospital today). Seriously, i dont know the place i went was a clinic, no wonder it was so small. Look at my stupidity. Hmmm.

Then i decided to go for a look at my friend future wedding ceremony which will be held at Dewan MPSP Tikam Batu, Sungai Petani. I want to make sure the place before the ceremony take place. But, i got onto the wrong junction. Hahahaha. I forgot the map. I took a junction which lead me to Pantai Merdeka. Hehehe. I know that i took the wrong way because i remember i should pass through a fire station. But, i dont see any fire station. But, i continue my driving course. Straight to Pantai Merdeka. Alone. It took quite a  long time. There was alot of signboard. Luckily i didnt get confused by the roads. I reached Pantai Merdeka. Took a few picture and drive back. I remember the fresh breeze when i was driving. It was so calm and beautiful. Both your right and left were paddy field. Although it was not filled with gold coloured paddy.

At 3.30p.m I reached Sunshine Mall Bertam. I was planning to watch a movie. Actually, i have already budgeted, "a movie for a week". But it seems to not go as i planned. There was no enough people. But that day, i got lucky. I book a ticket for a movie entitled "the magnificent seven". A good movie with good looking heroes.  But remember i said that, i reached at the mall at 3.30pm. The movie was at 5p.m. in the meantime, i went to explore the shops around the mall, i bought myself a ring. A stainless steel ring, with 3diamonds. It cost Rm18.90. Then, at 5p.m i watch the movie. 7.30p.m the movie end.

7.30p.m I went to Mydin Mall, Bertam. It only tooks about 5 minutes (i guess) from Sunshine Mall. I bought myself deodorant, some hair product(my hair keep falling), a bar of chocolate and some fried potato ring.

8.20p.m i went to a restaurant near my worling place, the conversation between me and the cook.

Me: i want char kuey tiaw
The kakak: medium or large
Me: how much the large one cost?
The kakak: medium rm4, large rm4.50.

(I used to buy the rm4.50 char kuey tiaw, it was still so little mehh)

Me: can you make me rm5 char kuey tiaw?
The kakak: sure (while smiling), you want to eat here or tapaw?
Me: let me look at the time (i need to pick up my housemate from work at 9.30p.m). Still so early. I will eat here
The kakak: ok, what is your drink?
Me: no thanks.

The kakak: you forget to off your car light.
Me: ohh!!!thanks

The day went like that..smoothly

I went to work and told the staffs that i went to Pantai Merdeka alone. They were all shocked. They all said that Pantai Merdeka was so far away, that i was so brave to go there, alone. Plus, the car was not really in good condition. They dont know, along the way, i was reading my prayers, hoping that Allah with take care of me, make sure i'm fine.

He he he.

Thank you Allah

Assalamualaikum.

My sister named mekpa

Assalamualaikum n good morning everyone..

I've wrote many times before, but i accidentally deleted them. But today, i feel like i need to post something.

Its about my younger sister, mekpa. She is 21years old. Born on 21st May 1996. Her highest education is SPM. She's really not into studying.

Why i said, she's not really into studying?

I remember realizing she only know how to read well in her 2nd or 3rd year of secondary school. That was actually when she was 14 or 15 years old. That was quite late. Me myself know how to read well when i was 7 years old. I'm sure of that because, i remember my teacher said, "whoever can read this first, can go to the canteen". I was the first 5 person to get it right.

Back to my sister's story. When she was in primary school, she was in lower class. For example if there was 6 class, she was in 5th class. Same goes to her secondary school.

She doesnt get good results in her exams. I never heard my mom scolds her for getting low marks.

In her SPM, she got a result enough for her to enrolled in STPM. She goes to school but then she quit. She said, she cant handle studying anymore. My mom gave her permission. I'm sure, my mom know that, my sister cant do studying anymore. I mean go to school, open her books, meet teachers, comes back home, do homeworks, sleeps, wakes up and do that again.

Then my mom got her into sewing class under PAS. She graduated from there. She even had a convocation ceremony. Then she stayed at home for a few months. She tried to consult mom to let her apply to work at the supermarket. Well, my mom dont want her offspring to work at a supermarket as a promoter. Then my mom sent my sister to work at a jeans repair shop near the town. She went there. On the first day, i saw her face. Seriously.. that was the face of a girl who was lost. The face of a girl who is confused. The face of a girl who is disappointed with herself. She seriously dont like it!! It all showed on her face. And i dont like it too. I dont like looking at her..i dont know how to describe in words.

There was one day when i asked my parents to make ketupat. There was certain steps to folds the leaves to make it. My mom, dad, mekpa and i did it. It was mekpa and my first attempt. I failed many times. But i spontaneously do it until i successfully made it. But i realized the look on mekpa face. Her hands was shaking so bad. Her eyes went red. Then her tears fall down. She stop and said, she cant do it. At that particular moment, i realized she was someone who cant handle pressure. She gave up so easily.

Then, about 4 months ago, my mom enrolled her into sewing class that required her to go to prepare for a few months of training in Kelantan and undergo a 1 year practical in Penang. She passed the preparations in Kelantan.

2 months ago, she went to Penang. At that time i was at Machang, Kelantan. Then 1 month after she went there, i got a news that i'm going to Penang too. I told mekpa. And she laugh happily. When we met at the bus station. I saw her face. God, she was sad. She was already thin since she was young. But now, she looks thinner. She told me how her superior mad at her for doing works slowly. She was forced to finish sewing clothes within minutes. Her superior wanted her to work fast. But she cant. Her superior ask her to learn how to use new machine within 3 days. She failed to master it.

....

Enough with that.

Last hari raya haji, it was actually last week, i met her at home. She talk less.

.. ..

This evening at my working place, my supervisor(k.anis), my staffs(k.julia, k.imah n k.julie) and i was talking. The conversation went like this.

K.anis: k.anis hang ni stress tau, tapi bos bukan nak paham, dia tak dok kat tempat k.anis. dia tak rasa apa yang k.anis rasa (dia langgar bontot kereta orang, suami dia eksiden, patah tulang pipi, luka sana sini, anak kena sawan, mak sakit buah pinggang, kena selalu dialisis, ayah baru meninggal, family dok kongkong segala sudut, tak boleh wat keputusan sendiri) setiap orang ada masalah sendiri.

K.julia: haa betul tu. Semua orang ada masalah masing2

K.imah: k.imah ada masalah kewangan

(Aku xtau apa masalah aku, so aku terpikir, aku single mingle lagi ni!!!)

Aku: k.juli, kita ada masalah jodoh xsampai2 ni macam mana k.juli???

Galak mereka berketawa disitu.

K.imah: nor umur berapa dah?

Aku: 35

K.julia: mengarut la hang ni nor!!!

K.imah: kalau setakat umur 25 tu relax la nor,muda lagi. Jodoh akan sampai la nanti.

Aku: k.imah!!!!nor gurau jer, xyah la siries..hehe

Tamat la disitu..

But then i keep thinking, i have no money problem. I pay my debt with ptptn, i never failed to give money to my parents, i give some money to the poor, i save some of my money. I still have extra money in my bank account. No, i'm not rich. I'm far from being rich. But for now, i have no money problem.

Then when it comes to works, i admit, i'm not good with two of the current staffs. Other staffs said, i irritated them because i dont understand what they're saying. But, well, i'm someone who is easy to let it go. And i can easily ignore useless things. I cut off useless things. I cut off useless people in my life too.

Friendship? I have my favorite best friend. I only have one best friend. Her name is Farah Zahar. She knows almost all my good news or bad news. I know all her stories too. We share opinions a lot. I have a lot of friend who come in and went out of my life. Lots of them. They were just, friends. So, i have no friendship problem.

Family? No. I have nothing to say about my family. i just wish to have a better communication with my so called sister in law. Others are just fine.

What more?

Nothing! My life is complete! Wait, i'm waiting for the right person to be my whole life partner. Hahahahahahaha.. i'm sure, one day, he will come.

But then when i reached home after work just now, i saw my sister's messages. She said, her superior is going to kick her out because she do things slowly.they give her 3 weeks to improve. The superiors already ignore her work. She said it was hard for her. She was embarrassed to face her friends. She got no one to talk to. She asked me to always advised her to be strong. She wants me to text her everyday to keep her on tract.

I will sis!!!

I will!!!

I will always pray the best for you. I got your back. I'll help you as much as i can. I promise.

Please stay calm and ignore bad things people say.

Ya Allah permudahkan segala urusan adik aku.

K goodnight

Why cant you trust me? ^^

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

This entry is not a negative one. Calm down people. He he he.

I write this entry because this evening my supervisor suddenly said, "you must have a boyfriend right? I'm really sure you have!"

I laugh loudly (gosh, i love laughing, i need to be more modest, uhuk) to her saying. I said to her while smiling, "why dont you believe me? i really dont have one, i never had one"

She replied, "you're lying, all the trainees who came here before have a boyfriend, except wana n ika. I'm sure you have one right?!"

I laughed again and walked slowly to the front door. There were two other staffs there.

They also said that i have a boyfriend.

But the other staff, the oldest one, age 46 said, "how can a man become your boyfriend, they are afraid to even go near you". Ha ha ha. That was quite a brave comment. Nope, i dont have any hard feeling by that statement, but it makes me wondering, "is that really the reason why i dont have a boyfriend?"

For your information, this evening conversation was not my first encounter regarding that matter. I've been to other branches in Kelantan, almost all the staffs did not believe that i am single.

As for me, i've seen all kind of friends, the one who is so beautiful, charming, normal body size, speaks well, dress well or my friends who is not that charming, quite fat, wearing a usual comfortable clothes...they got a boyfriend.

The thing is. I conclude and actually believe that, the first thing a man sees in a woman is their appearance. Then, there come attitude, manner, the way we blend in a crowd also matters. Other points such as religions, wealth, level of education, health, family are just the something act as additional ingredients.

And the bad thing is, i dont have that. I was born quite brown(yes brown, not black), and i enjoy eating, so i'm quite fat. Some says i'm not that fat. I look normal. Some says, my skeleton is naturally big, making me look bigger. But the thing is when i count my BMI, it exceed 30. So i'm officially more than obese. Yes you read it right. I'm obese!!!!

Then, lets talk about attitude. I'm really a not good human being. I always have bad thoughts. I judge others in my mind(i dont say it out loud). I dont really like going out in a big crowd. Because i'm so used to be left out. For example, if there are 5 of us, i'm so used to walk alone in the back to give way to others. It just works that way naturally. I dont talk much in a group more than 3 people. I just dont. So i choose to be quiet. Is that why, i'm being left out? I guess so. Other things are, i think i'm a person who never forget what bad things other people did to me. It causes me to hold grudge. It let me have something in my mind, saying, "she did that to you, always remember that" . But then i saw a quote saying, "ALWAYS FORGIVE, BUT NEVER FORGET" then i realized, i'm doing the right thing.

Sometimes, i dont understand my own feeling. Sometimes i think, i should care of other's feeling. But the result? I'm the one who is hurt. Sometimes i sacrifice things, but then i feel not appreciated. Sometimes i think i dont deserve to be loved by anybody, because i lack in many ways. Sometimes i feel like wanting to be loved by someone, someone to share, someone to cuddle, someone to live forever with, someone who always stand beside me in any situation(if i'm on the right side), be with me, when i'm up to the sky or down to the earth. Be with someone who can protect me, listen to my words...errr..macam mengada la pulak..

Dahla..aku mengantuk.. dah pukul 1 pagi dah. Esok kerja hokeyy..goodnight..

Let mr.brain appear in my dream again okey!!!??