Where are you?

Assalamualaikum.

Hey hey hey.

Today, the topic is, "where are you?"

You in this topic stand for, my future husband.

Well, i'm not that excited to know who is he. But my mom is. She keep asking me. Duhh.. i'm just 24 years old woman. Still got a lot of things to do, ALONE to be exact.

I choose this topic today because, it was mentioned by my older sister who got married in 2015 at the age of 27 in the family whatsapp group. She said, "mom keep asking me, did you have a boyfriend?". Well mom already ask me countless times about the possibility of me having a boyfriend. See? Even my sister got married at 27 years old. So, me here is 24 years old mehh. Still a long way ahead to go, to explore, to learn, to enjoy, to be selfish, to be a bad.

Yes you read right. I'm bad. You see my outer look. Even my outer look dont seems nice, am i right? Just know that, my inner self are worser. Haha. Bad english there. Who cares??!!

My mind was so evil that when i see people, i think the possibility of them doing bad things. When i see people, i judge them. I talk bad about others too. A lot.

And i hate folding clothes. Seriously! I hate folding clothes so much. Enough for me to hoping for a husband who can help me do that. He he he.

I am not a neat person. I dont fold clothes. So i'm not a neat person. I rarely sweep trash. But i'm not a dirty person. I make sure my toilet is clean. I make sure the sink dont stink. I make sure to throw out the full dustbin. I wash my clothes by hand everyday. I am just lazy at sweeping the dust. But still, i'll do it when i feel like it.

One more crucial thing is that. I'm quite anti social. I dont talk much in big group. I dont even know how to interact in big crowd. That is a problem. I always feel unfit. Feeling of dont belong. I'm awkward.

Next is, i'm weird.

Seriously. I'm weird. Imagine, i only have a friend who can accept me for who i am. Just one friend.

I speak nonsense.

Yes.

I'm slow.

Yes. Some people try to joke around, but i just dont get it. So, i'm slow.

I'm selfish.

I dont know how to explain this.

The conclusion is, i am not fit to anyone out there. I'm just so lacking in many ways.

I do feel of having a husband who can share everything, be the bestfriend ever, understand me, back me up, supporting me, be a good father to my children, treat my parents and siblings well, who would accept me for who i am, who would love only me (i mean, never try to find substitute woman), who would love to travel, and hug me when i'm in trouble. I would love that very much.

But.... i am just not worthy. I am so lacking.

And i'm not attractive. Fat, dark, love to eat, lazy to exercise.

What more.

I'm done.

If i dont find the right one. I am extremely sure, i can live alone.

Some people say "its okay to get married late, as long as he is the right one"

Regards;
Siti Nuraini Mohd Zulkipli
24 years old strong woman with parents who is continuously asking me, "did you have a boyfriend?"