Monday, October 24, 2016

Me driving a car

Assalamualikum..hye hye hye!!!!

Its my first week working at jerteh.

Feeling good.

Why?

I love the environment, i can accept the way my monitor do her work, i accept how my monitor advise me to improve my work. I love my room mate. I accept the way my supervisor do her work. And i hope my love for these listed things wont fade. I want to continue loving.

Well, the title is about me driving my lovely car. The old and costly car, red satria.

Since i started my career. Urm. No i started to really drive a car when i was on my internship. Which is in the month of february 2015. Now i am an assistant supervisor which had already went to 5 different branches. 4 in pantai timur and 1 in north of Malaysia. I used my car to travel, of course. The place varies. The longest one took more than two hours of driving. It was jerteh.

The thing is, my friends were quite shocked when she knew i was able to drive alone and i knew the place. Let me tell you something. I didnt really knew the place. But i knew the things that lead me towards my destinations. Yes! The sign boards. There were lots of sign boards around this country. Well, you dont learn something if you dont commit mistakes. I used to get lost many times. But, when i realized that i'm getting far away from my exact destination, i will seek other's help. Yes! There was also a lot of people in my country. Ask them. They are helpful enough to guide you to your destination. Trust me. But remember to choose correctly. Who knows, you choose a criminal.. hehehe.. and then he take advantage on you. He robbed you. He try to harass you. Or anything. I choose to ask people at the coffee shop. Where a lot of experience old men gather to waste their time, drinking coffee or tea or just talk to each other. I asked them. They will surely never get you disappointed. You will get what you need.

And of course, as a muslim, you need to always trust in Allah. Ask for His lead. Recite du'a to ease your journey. As for me, i tried to remind myself to always says (subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Lailahaillallah, Allahuakbar), read "waja 'al na mim baini aidi him saddan wamin khalfihim saddan, fa agh syaina hum fahum la yubsirun". It was from surah yaasin which means, you ask from Allah to protect you, in n out, all around you from the jins or the bad people. The most important thing is ayat kursi. I never missed to recite the kursi. And put your trust in Him.

And always be patient of other people, othe vehicles. No patience, no living.

May Allah guide us in our everyday life.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Where are you?

Assalamualaikum.

Hey hey hey.

Today, the topic is, "where are you?"

You in this topic stand for, my future husband.

Well, i'm not that excited to know who is he. But my mom is. She keep asking me. Duhh.. i'm just 24 years old woman. Still got a lot of things to do, ALONE to be exact.

I choose this topic today because, it was mentioned by my older sister who got married in 2015 at the age of 27 in the family whatsapp group. She said, "mom keep asking me, did you have a boyfriend?". Well mom already ask me countless times about the possibility of me having a boyfriend. See? Even my sister got married at 27 years old. So, me here is 24 years old mehh. Still a long way ahead to go, to explore, to learn, to enjoy, to be selfish, to be a bad.

Yes you read right. I'm bad. You see my outer look. Even my outer look dont seems nice, am i right? Just know that, my inner self are worser. Haha. Bad english there. Who cares??!!

My mind was so evil that when i see people, i think the possibility of them doing bad things. When i see people, i judge them. I talk bad about others too. A lot.

And i hate folding clothes. Seriously! I hate folding clothes so much. Enough for me to hoping for a husband who can help me do that. He he he.

I am not a neat person. I dont fold clothes. So i'm not a neat person. I rarely sweep trash. But i'm not a dirty person. I make sure my toilet is clean. I make sure the sink dont stink. I make sure to throw out the full dustbin. I wash my clothes by hand everyday. I am just lazy at sweeping the dust. But still, i'll do it when i feel like it.

One more crucial thing is that. I'm quite anti social. I dont talk much in big group. I dont even know how to interact in big crowd. That is a problem. I always feel unfit. Feeling of dont belong. I'm awkward.

Next is, i'm weird.

Seriously. I'm weird. Imagine, i only have a friend who can accept me for who i am. Just one friend.

I speak nonsense.

Yes.

I'm slow.

Yes. Some people try to joke around, but i just dont get it. So, i'm slow.

I'm selfish.

I dont know how to explain this.

The conclusion is, i am not fit to anyone out there. I'm just so lacking in many ways.

I do feel of having a husband who can share everything, be the bestfriend ever, understand me, back me up, supporting me, be a good father to my children, treat my parents and siblings well, who would accept me for who i am, who would love only me (i mean, never try to find substitute woman), who would love to travel, and hug me when i'm in trouble. I would love that very much.

But.... i am just not worthy. I am so lacking.

And i'm not attractive. Fat, dark, love to eat, lazy to exercise.

What more.

I'm done.

If i dont find the right one. I am extremely sure, i can live alone.

Some people say "its okay to get married late, as long as he is the right one"

Regards;
Siti Nuraini Mohd Zulkipli
24 years old strong woman with parents who is continuously asking me, "did you have a boyfriend?"